Boy-Dog Parts

I made an appointment with the vet today when I noticed this never-seen-before black swollen lump in his abdomen.

He was neutered yesterday (praise God from whom all blessings flow), and in the post-op appointment they gave us many tips to watch for, all suggesting problems with the sutures or Max’s pain.

But this black lump?? This can’t be right, I thought.

I took Max in, although he was not quite so willing to step over the threshold today. No way, Tricia. You don’t even know the indignities that happen inside this place.

The technician and I had spoken on the phone to schedule the appointment, and he met me in the lobby. “Okay, before you spend fifty bucks with the doctor, let me just have a look-see. This? This right here? That’s his scrotum.”

No, it is not. “I have never seen that before in my life.”

He looks up at me and winks. “Well, we all have one.”

Holy cats. Now somehow I think we’re talking about yours.

“So, he’s okay then?”

“He’s absolutely okay. You’ve never seen that before because it was covered with hair, but he’s always had one.”  This discussion of that particular tuft of Max’s hair seems like a very different conversation than the fluffy bit behind his ears.

The tech looks at the receptionist and says in blatant falsetto, mimicking my voice from the phone call this morning, “He has this black lump, and it’s all swollen…”

The receptionist answers. “Yep. Scrotum.”

“Well, no kidding…huh.”

I definitely didn’t know boy dogs had one, or that he would still have one after yesterday’s procedure. But, I confess I didn’t do a whole lot of research. I just wanted him to stop humping everything that stands still. All of the stuffed animals had been violated. Nobody was safe around here.

So, there we have it. Max is well, and he won’t die with this black swollen lump that has now been identified.

And I am the laughing stock of the veterinary clinic. Officially my most embarrassing pet-owning moment.

(Please note, I didn’t say Dog Parenting.)

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6 thoughts on “Boy-Dog Parts

  1. You crack me up!!! I love that you’re so willing to embarrass yourself. :D

    I can picture Robb, up in heaven, laughing so hard he falls over.

    :D

  2. I think you got ripped off, Tricia. When our dog was neutered, his scrotum went along with the rest of his excess baggage. Maybe your pooch had a vasectomy, which won’t provide any protection at all for those poor table legs and stuffed animals.

  3. Hate to tell you this but…Mac never had a swollen black lump after his. And there are pet owners, and pet lovers…we ALL start out as pet owners. Until they own you. Hence the metamorphosis.

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