Let’s just say, if.

If I were prone to wander, to question God’s faithfulness, let’s just say if,

 

then I might have a few new questions.

 

Are you watching?

Can’t you see that I long to be a family of four?

Can’t you see that my children are growing,

taller and stronger everyday,

and they want a dad?

 

When the ADT technician came to install the alarm, Tuck asked me if he might be ‘the new dad.’

He asked me what I would do if he was, would I be so happy?

That’s when I realized he thinks ‘the new dad’ might show up on the front porch, like Publisher’s Clearing House with a bouquet of flowers and balloons.

 

They don’t understand ‘dating.’  And I’m glad.

I will not parade options before them.

Dating is a tough gig,

the whole one-two-three dinner dates and then we put a bow on this and call it done.

I’m not sure I’m made for it.  Or, I’m pretty sure I’m not.

But I am made for knowing, to know, to be known.

I am made to love deeply.

I’m made for long haul,

for country miles,

for every day conversations

and thinking

and coffee.

I’m made for together.

 

At least that’s how I think I’m made.

Maybe you know differently.

 

Do you know I don’t want to be a hero?

I’m weary of being brave?

Can you tell me where I am on the journey?

How many more laps before I can rest?

 

Can you tell him who we are?

Can you tell me where he is on his journey to find our family?

Can you place within him a supernatural love for these little boys?

 

How much longer is this what you have in mind?

 

If I were one who asks bold questions.  Let’s just say, if.

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11 thoughts on “Let’s just say, if.

  1. I think that our God is mighty enough, kind enough, loving enough that these are exactly the kinds of questions He wants us to leave with him…….Praying for you today…..

  2. Im a divorced mom of 2. Their father is alive but has decided he is “finished” being a father. I get to try and answer questions not only “when wil we get a new daddy” but also “why does my daddy hate me so much?” Somedays I scream at God and other days I thank him for giving me the strength to take my two kids and create a safe, happy life for them! I know he has a plan for us and most days I try realy hard to wait patiently for it to be revelead! Thank you for sharing your story!

  3. No more ifs about it. I think God can read, lol! He knows. I wish He could or would let you know the answers to those questions right now. Who knows how you will really meet this future man, but for what it’s worth (maybe not much), here’s what I imagine could happen. The “new dad” is someone who likes to read (he’d BETTER have an appreciation for the written word, or forget it!), who reads your blog or will soon begin to, who will be touched by and love your words and heart before he ever meets in person the girl who wrote them, who will have begun to “know” and love your sons through what you write about them before he ever meets them.

    He will be led to read your book when it comes out even if he doesn’t know about your blog first. He may have suffered his own loss and so will understand much of what you have been going through. Perhaps his loss is more recent than yours, and God is in the process of healing and helping him get ready to love again, developing his capacity to extend a love large enough to include not only you but two instant sons. You don’t want a new husband and daddy before he’s ready to be one.

    Perhaps he has children of his own – daughters, even! – and is wondering where his kids’ new mom is. Are you ready for that? Someone with children of his own might not be who you’d pick for yourself, but if God has a different plan, you might not end up as a family of 4, but of 5 or 6. God might think you need a little more time before that happens.

    Just as you pray for your sons’ future wives, and have to wait to see who you’ve been praying for, many are praying along with you for your future husband and family. You can’t see what’s happening behind the scenes in these early stages, but the process has already begun. The gap between you and “new dad, new husband” is already starting to close. However it unfolds, and whatever the timing, it will be a marvelous thing to see the culmination of what God has for you. God’s got this, Tricia! He knows how you’re made; He made you. He also made Tuck and Ty and knows exactly the new daddy they need. He won’t send Him a moment too early, or late.

  4. Oh, how I’ve asked God the same questions. How I’ve told Him that I do not understand His methods or timing and how I certainly dislike dating. Right there with you Tricia!

  5. If a three-b’d Robbb comes along, girl, don’t ask any questions. You’ll KNOW. ;) Hugs from Ohio.

  6. Tricia, never give up hope. I celebrated twenty-three years of marriage yesterday to the man who became an instant daddy to my two little girls and a few years down the road he adopted them and became their legal father, too. He also had three daughters and “our baby” will be twenty-one this Monday. God is preparing your heart and his heart. Keep being patient and waiting. I’m sure He doesn’t mind your wonderings. :)
    Be sure you are ready, because you could find yourself suddenly mom of five or six. ;)

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