“Can I jump with you guys on the trampoline?”
“Sure, Mommy. We can jump together. Just don’t break it.”
“I’ll sure try not to. And maybe I should wait until my knee gets better before I try jumping on the trampoline.”
After the fall on the ice a couple of weeks ago, my knee is now a battleground of blue, grey, brown, and green bruises, and itchy, itchy, itchy. The craziness of the itching is how you know it’s on the mend, they say. So maybe I’ll get that incident behind me before I go playing Crack the Egg on the trampoline.
“Or you could lose some weight.” Tucker’s suggestion.
“That’s an option, yes.” (Pause.) “Hey, buddy? Here’s a good rule to remember: Never, ever, ever suggest to a girl that she should lose some weight.”
“You know? But you still said it to me?”
“Well, I know not to say it to girls.” Right. And, still.
“If you say that to your girlfriend, she might not love you anymore.”
“I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“But someday, it’s likely you will.”
“She won’t love me, but she’ll like me.”
“She might not. This is what I’m trying to tell you. If you suggest to a girl that she should lose weight, she will think you’re saying she’s not beautiful the way she is. She will think you would love her more if she were shaped differently. And you don’t want her to feel that way.”
“Right. That’s why I’m only saying it to you.”
“Well, it’s still not my favorite.”
“That’s why I’m only saying it to you.”
And I’m finished with this conversation.