Love Note

Dear Tricia,

This week is upon you. It’s been two years.

You are living, breathing, parenting, writing, and waking each morning to do it again. Whether you wanted to survive or not, you continue to do okay, kiddo. Well done.

Of course you’re struggling. The kids aren’t sleeping well. Your emotions come second because theirs will always come first. Your subconscious alerts your conscious mind of anything you might have forgotten, by choice or with time. You are weary in your bones.

Remember what you learned last Christmas – and every milestone in the last 24 months: the anticipation is the worst, always worse than the actual day.

Knowing it’s coming,
knowing it’s hard,
having reasons for it all and explaining the process –

none of these spare you from having to do this,
one step, one breath, one hour at a time.

Give grace to yourself. Give grace to the boys.
Sleep at night. And during the day if you want.
Remember when you want to.
Distract yourself when that’s better.

When sadness comes, sit down and feel it. And then get up and do something else. That’s all it’s about.

Good job, T. You’re doing this thing.


8 thoughts on “Love Note

  1. I read your blog since a little before. I read your blog even though I am not religious because your faith and your strength (even when you say you are not strong). I read because you are honest and because you are struggling and you write so beautifully about it. I read and know that you are doing your best for you and your boys.

    I wish you were not going through this. But I am willing to abide with you.

    (First time commenting)

  2. That’s some good self-talk there, Tricia. You are so right that the anticipation is always worse than the actual day, so I’ll be praying for you and the boys especially much this week.

  3. Just putting one foot in front of the other is “doing something”……You are doing great, Tricia……And your boys will be amazing young men……

  4. You are doing this–and when you feel weak, “the Spirit intercedes with groanings too deep for words.” I pray you will feel God’s presence with you as you walk through the days of this week and that Christmas brings renewed hope and strength.

  5. Tears catch in my throat. I’m thinking of you during this season. Thank you for writing, even though it may be difficult. You are an inpiration – that through God all things are possible. Much love, Megan

  6. Kuddos for survival. Kuddos for waking up each day and getting the job done. You are doing it. And even though it’s hard you will keep on keepin on.

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