There is a lightness to my spirit this morning.
There is a deep joy.
The same emotions woke me as nearly every morning, but then I decided I didn’t want to invite them into my day.
What if I leave this monster of Depression at home today? Or better yet, what if I just cast him aside, so he won’t be waiting for me when I come back home? What if I don’t bring him with me? What if I take a day off?
And so I am. Taking a day off. Sorrow, find your own path today. I’m forging a new one.
In the face of depression, I realize, sadness is not a choice. It is a consuming state of being. So maybe the long-awaited meds are doing what they’re supposed to do. Because this is the first time – in a long while – that I have been aware of an option.
Today I must be swimming near the top of the lake. Maybe even a backfloat in the sunshine.
Starbucks released the beauty of their red cups today. And the ‘same great sleeve’ has a new design: Rekindle the season.
And so, what if I do? What if I embrace all things holiday? What if I do it big and right and with a joyful spirit? What if I do?
I think I want to. Maybe it’s possible. Maybe it starts today.
Return, O Lord, and rescue me.
Save me because of your unfailing love.
The Lord has heard my weeping.
The Lord has heard my plea.
The Lord will answer my prayer.
May all my enemies (depression, anxiety, fear)
be disgraced and terrified.
May they suddenly turn back in shame.
Welcome, November 1, with your red cups and Target commercials and joy that beckons me as a mission, should I choose to accept it.
I choose. I choose joy.