The Second Year

If I were to describe my first year without Robb in just a few words, I would choose these:

Shocked.
Terrified.
Blind.
Numb.

I was in shock of many kinds, emotional and physical.   I spent months not believing that this was really real.  I spent nights writhing in panic and disbelief, the freezing sweat of remembering.

I was terrified.  For more reasons than I can name.

I was blind, walking forward without a map, never ready for the next blow.  And there was always, without fail, another blow.

I was numb because that’s what the body does when one must survive.  It stops feeling.

Those are big, bold words.

With those major players on 2011’s roster, there wasn’t room for sadness.  She needs a space all her own.

Now that I am one month into this second year, I can see that it is different.

I am no longer shocked; these facts have become my life.
I am no longer terrified; I am actually unspeakably brave.
I am no longer blind; I have lived through one full calendar year, and even if I don’t like what’s coming next, at least I know I’ll surpass it.
I am no longer numb; I’m starting to feel.

Frostbite doesn’t hurt when fingers are frozen.  It’s when those nerve endings start to warm up – that’s when frostbite cuts like a knife.

I’m starting to feel.
I’m starting to cry again.  I hadn’t in a long while.
But these are different tears,
warm and healing.

Perhaps the first year was for my head;
perhaps this second year is for my heart.

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A New Chapter Starts Today

Thoughts in 2007…

Well, here I am.

A stay-at-home mom with two little tiny guys.
Tucker is two,
Tyler is four months old,
Robb is loving us and climbing the corporate ladder,
and we’re tangled up in diapers,
a double stroller,
adventures to the park,
and pleas for my sanity.
I need an outlet.
Maybe I’ll start a blog.
I’ve heard that’s a good idea.

My profession is teaching, and I guess I still am a teacher. Instead of a class roster of 29, I have a full time following of 2. But I’m still teaching.
I’m ‘Teaching Tuck and Ty.’

So, sure. I’ll give it a go.
Let’s see… Start Your Own Blog Here.
Click.

And, now, here I am.
More than four years later,
More than 1,500 blog posts,
More than a thousand daily readers.
Tucker is six,
Tyler is four,
I am a widowed single mom,
and I am still teaching Tuck and Ty.

The irony of that blog title isn’t lost on me.
I thought I would write about the daily musings of teaching two little boys, and I did.
But my genre expanded to include the daily thoughts of how I may

teach them well as their only parent,

teach them to be men without the help of their dad,

teach them to grieve and laugh all in the same day,

teach them that even though we were once a sturdy wagon,

we can be a really strong tricycle.

The boys have grown taller,
I have grown stronger,
the story has grown bigger,
and it’s time to give all of this a new home.

Welcome to The Thoughts and Writings of Tricia Lott Williford.

A new chapter starts today.